Most of us know we should have this conversation with our ageing parents. We just don't know how to start.

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Put The Kettle On is where to begin. Five questions. Over a cup of tea. From Vera.

Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent.

Five questions for the kitchen table.

Sit down with mum or dad on a quiet afternoon. Two cups, your attention, nothing more. Ask the questions in your own words. There's no script. Take your time.

When is the right time?

Things start to change for our ageing parents through their seventies and eighties. But any time is a good time to start. It's about making the time.

Not feeling quite ready?

Talk to Vera first. She can help you figure out where things stand, and find the words. Takes about 15 minutes. Available anytime.

“Having the conversation with Vera took the emotion out of it. It made it easier to have it with my mum.”
Feedback, 2026

60-second explainer

What this guide is for.

Put The Kettle On is five questions for the kitchen table. Ask them on a quiet afternoon, with nothing on the table but two cups and your attention. The questions help you find out what mum or dad really wants. In their own words. Before anyone else has to decide for them.

Things can change at any time. But through our seventies and eighties, most of us start to need more help and care. Ask now, while it's easy to ask.

Five questions, one for each part of life: who they are, what matters most to them, who they trust to speak for them, the practical things and the care they'd choose, what they'd most like remembered.

60-second explainer — coming soon

Before you sit down

A few things that help.

01
Sit on the same side of the table.
Side by side is less confronting than face to face. A few biscuits help too.
02
Don't be afraid of silence.
It can feel uncomfortable. Sit with it anyway. The most important thing your parent says is often what comes after a long pause.
03
Write down what surprises you.
Not every word. Just the one or two things you didn't know they felt that way about.
04
Stop before either of you is tired.
You can come back. The conversation is meant to be the start of something, not all of it.

When you're ready for more

What's next, when you want it.

The guide stands on its own. If you want more after the conversation, Vera's here. Tell her what you heard. She'll listen to where you and mum or dad are, and shape what you said into a picture of them. A personalised guide in their words. Yours to keep, share, and come back to as things change.

She'll help with what comes next, too. The questions, the practical things, the support to look after yourself as you look after them. Or talk to Vera first, if you'd like a hand finding the words.

Ready when you are

Five questions. Over a cup of tea.

When you're ready, we're here.

Free PDF · Private and secure. Always. From Vera.

Most of us know we should have this conversation with our ageing parents. We just don't know how to start.

Five questions for the kitchen table.

When is the right time?

What this guide is for.

A few things that help.

Sit on the same side of the table.

Don't be afraid of silence.

Write down what surprises you.

Stop before either of you is tired.

What's next, when you want it.

Five questions. Over a cup of tea.