You're not just tired. This is what burnout actually feels like.

Dad's fall happened last Tuesday. By Friday, you'd dealt with the hospital, coordinated with siblings, researched care options, and fielded twenty phone calls from relatives who "just want to help."
And you worked, made dinner, did laundry and helped your daughter with her job application.

Now it's Sunday night. And you can't get off the couch.

This isn't regular tired. This is something else entirely.

 

During a crisis, your body runs on pure adrenaline. You make phone calls, coordinate care, show up at the hospital, and handle everything that needs handling. You're remarkably functional.

Then the immediate danger passes. Dad's stable. The short-term plan is sorted. Everyone stops ringing.

And you collapse.

Your body finally sends the bill for that week of emergency mode. Except now you're expected to make long-term decisions about care arrangements, funding, and your parents' future. While you can barely decide what to have for dinner.

This is the danger zone. When burnout can tip into something harder to recover from.

Research shows that more than 60% of caregivers experience symptoms of burnout, characterised by emotional and physical exhaustion. It's not just fatigue. It can be a lot more.

Physical shutdown:
Headaches that won't shift. That cold you can't shake. Lying awake at 3am despite being shattered. Caregivers experience significantly higher rates of physical health problems including sleep disruption, immune system suppression, high blood pressure, and increased stress hormones.

Decision paralysis:
Standing in the supermarket, unable to choose between two types of bread. Every choice feels impossible. Nothing feels certain anymore.

Emotional flatline:
You know you should feel something about Dad's situation. But there's just... numbness. Or sudden tears at strange moments. Research consistently demonstrates a strong relationship between caregiver burnout and depression, with caregivers experiencing significantly higher rates of depressive symptoms than non-caregivers.

Resentment creeping in:
Towards your siblings who aren't helping enough. Towards your parent for getting old. Towards your own life, for being on hold. Then guilt for feeling resentful at all.

The permanent performance:
Holding it together for everyone else. Being capable for your parent, reassuring for your kids, and professional at work. Then getting home and having nothing left.

If you're nodding along to most of these, you're not just tired. You're burnt out.

And it's not a character flaw. It's what happens when you run crisis mode for too long without proper support.

 

Before the fall, you were probably already carrying a fair load. Work. Kids. Maybe already helping your parents with shopping or appointments. Manageable, if tiring.

Then the crisis hits. Everything intensifies. You're suddenly making medical decisions, coordinating care, managing family dynamics, all while trying to maintain your normal life.

The problem is - crisis mode wasn't designed to last. It's a sprint, not a marathon. When the sprint stretches into weeks, then months, your body starts shutting down non-essential functions. Like sleep. Emotional regulation. The ability to think clearly.

You're making massive decisions about your parents' future while your brain is genuinely impaired by stress and exhaustion. 

The evidence on this is stark. Research tracking caregivers over four years found that those experiencing caregiver strain had mortality risks 63% higher than non-caregivers. Elderly caregivers specifically face a 63% higher risk of mortality compared to non-caregivers in the same age group, likely due to elevated stress hormones circulating throughout the body.

Studies show that people caring for family members with dementia experience reduced immune function, elevated inflammatory markers, higher risk of coronary heart disease and stroke.  The stress isn't just making you feel terrible. It's genuinely compromising your physical health.

Getting help works. But only if you actually access it.

 

Most people don't realise that there's free support specifically for carers in Australia.

Not for your parent. For you.

Carer Gateway is a national service offering practical help for anyone caring for a family member or friend. You don't need a Centrelink card.  If you're looking after someone who needs support, you qualify.

Independent evaluation found that Carer Gateway is a successfully implemented, preventative, cost-beneficial program, with all service types improving the wellbeing of carers. The evidence shows this isn't just feel-good support, it actually works.

 

Counselling that understands:
Phone or video sessions with counsellors who understand the specific stress of family caregiving. Not generic therapy - actual support for what you're dealing with right now.  Through the Carer Gateway, you can also access support programs from Violet, a national non-profit that has skilled Violet Guides with lived experience. 

Emergency respite:
When you genuinely can't keep going, they can arrange short-term care for your parent so you can have a break. Sometimes you need permission to stop. This is it.
Research shows respite was associated with the largest increase in wellbeing among all Carer Gateway services.

Coaching and skills training: Practical guidance on managing stress, setting boundaries, and having difficult conversations with family. Evidence shows that interventions combining education, counselling, and skill-building are significantly more effective than education alone.

Peer support connections: Talking with other people actually living this. Not advice from people who "get it" theoretically. Real recognition from someone who knows exactly what 3 am worry feels like.

Help with planning:
Support to think through what's sustainable long-term. Because what worked this week won't work for months.

Assistance with everyday tasks:
In some cases, practical help like delivered meals, house cleaning, or transport. When the basics feel impossible.

The national number for Carer Gatewat is 1800 422 737. They're available Monday to Friday, 8am to 6pm (local time). Online support at carergateway.gov.au is available 24/7.

 

You might be thinking: "I don't need support services. Other people have it worse. I should be able to handle this."

Let's be clear. Needing support doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're human.

Asking for help looks like:

• Ringing Carer Gateway and saying, "I'm struggling"

• Telling your siblings you can't do the next hospital visit

• Using emergency respite, even though Mum "doesn't like strangers"

• Admitting to your GP that you're not coping

• Taking a week off work even though "things are busy"

You're not abandoning your parent. You're preventing your own collapse so you can actually sustain this caregiving role long-term.

 

You don't have to hold it together for everyone. You don't have to reassure your siblings while you're drowning. You don't have to smile at the hospital while making impossible decisions.

Some true things:

• You can love your parent deeply and still feel resentful about caregiving

• You can be doing everything "right" and still burn out

• Wanting a break doesn't make you selfish

• Sometimes, good enough care from a sustainable you beats perfect care from a burnt-out you

Your parent needs you to be functional more than they need you to be perfect.

 

Some things that mean you need support now, not later:

You're making mistakes
Forgetting appointments. Missing medication times. Small errors that aren't like you.

Physical symptoms won't shift
That headache is constant. Sleep is properly disrupted. You're getting sick more often.

You're avoiding people
Not returning calls. Cancelling on friends. Isolating yourself because explaining feels too hard.

Nothing brings relief
Even when you get a break, you can't relax. The worry follows you everywhere.

You're fantasising about escape
Not necessarily anything dramatic. Just a recurring wish to disappear. To not be needed by anyone for a while.

If these feel familiar, this is your sign. Ring Carer Gateway. Talk to your GP. Tell someone who can actually help, not just someone who'll say "you're so strong" and change nothing.

Caregiver burnout doesn't just resolve itself. Without intervention, it typically escalates.

The physical symptoms get worse. The decision-making gets harder. Your relationships are strained. Your work suffers. And eventually, you either burn out completely or make care decisions from a place of desperation rather than clarity.

Neither outcome serves you or your parent well.

 This isn't about being dramatic. It's about recognising that this role genuinely impacts your health.

Getting help isn't giving up. So please, get some help.

 

This week:

1. Ring Carer Gateway on 1800 422 737 or visit carergateway.gov.au to register for support

2. Book a GP appointment and mention you're caring for a parent. Ask about a GP Mental Health Care Plan if you need counselling support

3. Tell one person who can actually help that you're struggling (not someone who'll just sympathise: someone who can take tasks off your plate)

This month:

1. Explore Carer Gateway's counselling or coaching services

2. Investigate respite options through Carer Gateway, even if you don't think you'll use them (knowing they exist helps)

3. Have the conversation with siblings about what's actually sustainable (not what everyone wishes were possible)

 

You cannot pour from an empty cup. You've heard it before. It sounds trite until you're living it.

You will care for your parent better, longer, and with less resentment if you access support for yourself now. Not when you've completely crashed. Not after the next crisis. Now.

Carer Gateway exists because society has finally recognised that family carers need support too. You're not taking resources from your parent by accessing help for yourself. You're ensuring you can actually sustain this role.

This isn't about being weak. It's about being realistic about what human bodies and minds can handle, and getting strategic about maintaining your capacity over the long term.

You're not just tired. This is burnout. And there's actual support available that understands exactly what you're facing.

Ring 1800 422 737. Tell them you're caring for a parent and you're struggling. Let them help. You've already proven you can handle a crisis. Now prove you can ask for what you need to sustain this marathon.